I've been living in a dark cloud of anger lately. Bitchy, hating the world, the whole deal. I wanted to stop feeling like this, but first, I had to find out what was causing this.
Money has always been something I needed to get what I want, not something I needed to get what I need, but becoming a full functioning adult has been hard. I had always been accustomed to a certain life style. And let me back up and say I did not grow up some rich, spoiled brat. I grew up the very opposite. I grew up in a single parent household, mom sending us to private school, paying mortgage on our home, dealing with the crappy financial situation my father left us in, all on a daycare worker salary. Money was always tight. Not to mention my mother never got child support (she's pretty amazing). She taught me that money comes from hard work, so I always worked hard and that was how I was able to pay for all the nice things I have. I work hard therefor I deserve.
This philosophy doesn't work in real grown up world. In real grow up world, I have to work hard and it all goes to my car or rent or groceries. There's no money for me to play like I want. I still get to go out for drinks and buy myself some candles as a treat, but I miss the days where I could blow $150 in one night at the strip club or spend a shit ton on 5 pairs of panties and a hoodie from Victoria's Secret. Now I have to think in the way of, "oh, I made $150 tonight at work. Now I can get the rent paid early." When did my fun die?
I honestly don't mind not thinking that way, and am planning a big strip club outing as we speak, but then I started thinking that I hate that how much money I have control my mood. If I have a slow week, I get so depressed. I get stressed out over everything I have to pay for and how one slow week can put me back for a month, but if I have a little bit of cash in my pockets, I'm on cloud 9. Money is evil. It has more control over us than our first love in high school did (shout out to Steve. The love of my 15 year old life).
Then, John played Wal-Mart: The high Price of Low Cost, on netflix, and then my eyes were opened up to how evil money actually is. I've always hated Wal-Mart. Mainly because it's dirty and cluttered, but a big part was how they mistreat their employees and drive small businesses to close. Watching this movie just increased my hatred for them tenfold. Wal-Mart is second worse just after Hitler. They fuck people over with no remorse what-so-ever and trap cities into letting them root there. Not only that, but it's a company full of sexist, racist and classist assholes. Please check this movie out, and if you shop at Wal-Mart ever afterwards, you don't have a soul.
I'm not that person. I'm not the type of person who lets money and things control my happiness. Yes, buying stuff does make me happy, I'm a female, but how I live my life and my daily choices to do good should be enough.
So what if I have a lot. So what if I have a little. As long as I'm working hard and feeling rewarded and happy with my life, I should have nothing to complain about. It could be worse. I could work for Wal-Mart.
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